Parenthood

What being a step mom means to me

My father, who passed away when I was 17 from prostate cancer, taught me many valuable lessons in life. One lesson I've learned is "With every door that closes, God opens a window."  My mom is now remarried to my wonderful step-dad Jeff, whom I believe was hand-picked by my dad. He is so wonderful to my mom and entire family and has been a great role model to me as a step-parent.

One of the biggest reasons why I fell in love with Roger was seeing how much he loved Hanna and Dylan by the way he talked about them on our first date. I knew he would never lose that bond with his kids, no matter where our relationship took us. As we were dating, I had a lot of people tell me how hard it is to be a step-parent. No one ever told me how great it would be and how it would positively change my life for the better. Hanna and Dylan were the added blessing and bonus to falling in love with Roger.

I knew I wanted to be a part of their lives from the very beginning. I didn’t want to be a small part of their life, I wanted to be part of their family! On our wedding day, Hanna and Dylan stood by our sides as a bridesmaid and groomsman. The most important part of our wedding was when we lit the unity candle as a family, and not only made vows to each other but made vows and a commitment before God as a family. We have a solid relationship with Hanna and Dylan’s mom, Nicole. We live 5 minutes away from each other. Even on the days when they are at Nicole’s house, we often go to the gym or out to dinner with Hanna and Dylan. Roger often teases me that I talk to Nicole more than he does...which is true at times. I love being able to help out any way I can. In 2009, Roger supported my decision to quit my job and to work from home to build my invitation business. I did not know it then, but it would be the best decision to build my relationship with Hanna and Dylan.

There is a delicate balance of being a step parent. I want to be involved as much as possible but do not want to overstep my boundaries. So I offer to take them to doctor appointments, attend games, sport banquets, go to school meetings, make gift bags or lend my artistic talents for their sports. One of the best complements I ever can receive is when a stranger calls me their mom. Even though we do not look alike, they can tell there is a mother/child bond from our interactions.

I enjoy and feel blessed with every memory and moment, I get to share with Hanna and Dylan. I have often said I wished I was there to see their first steps and hear their first words. Hanna and Dylan are a huge part of why I want to be a mother to my own child and experience EVERY part of their life. Because of Hanna and Dylan, I know it does not take a biological connection to love a child as your own.

What being a dad means to me 

My two kids are the most important thing in my life. They have made me laugh, shed tears of joy and cheer every day since Hanna arrived 17 years ago and Dylan arrived 14 years ago. I cherish the memories of the days they took their first step, said “daddy”, started school, got their first tooth, lost the first tooth and scored their first run. While I wish I could revisit those days, I realize they have many firsts ahead of them as they begin new lives as college and high-school freshman. Even as they grow and are growing into adults, I know they will continue to make me laugh, cry, cheer them on and make me prouder than they could even imagine.

Having the opportunity to play a part in their development has been the most rewarding part of parenting. I’m a firm believer that you don’t have to be the best at anything you do, but once you decide to try something you must put your heart and soul in it and give it everything you have. When I see how well they have done in school, athletics and building relationships with friends, family and faith, I know I have played some part in their intellectual, spiritual and emotional development. No other accomplishment in my life can top this.

The reason I want to adopt a child is to relive these experiences with the most incredible person I know, my wife. The fact that she has become such an important part of Hanna and Dylan’s lives makes me want to see her experience our own child learning to crawl, walk and say “mommy” for the first time together. Together we will put our full heart and soul into this child and delight in the person they become, knowing that we have played a part in their life.